Posted on December 10, 2007 - by Venik

Grand Hyatt New York, Part II

To continue where I left off: the expectation of the fifty-dollar breakfast. The previous night I requested the breakfast to be delivered to my room between 6:30 and 7am. It arrived fashionably late at 7:10am, wrapped in cellophane like a TV dinner. It was supposed to be a Japanese breakfast with miso soup, grilled salmon, rice and green tea. Technically, it was.

It is important that you order a spoon for your soup separately, otherwise you will have to eat it with a teaspoon, like I had to do. The soup was not good. I am not sure exactly what it was about the soup that I didn’t like – it’s nasty taste or it being cold – but it just wasn’t good.

The breakfast also included a ball of rice. Not a bowl of rice, but a ball of rice: sticky, cheap, rice from your local supermarket – overcooked and rolled into a ball.

The grilled salmon was barely warm and it was not properly deboned. If I was a bear getting ready for hibernation, I would have loved this extremely fatty and greasy piece of salmon stake. KFC chicken is less greasy than the salmon steak they serve at Hyatt. It’s decided: no more miso soup and no more grilled salmon for the rest of my stay in New York. I think this taste will last me for at least two weeks.

The orange juice was definitely not fresh-squeezed, as was promised by the menu. It did have lots of pulp and, I am sure, it was squeezed at some point in the past (probably right before being concentrated and frozen). I realize that New York is not California and it is December, still, “fresh-squeezed” it was not.

If you are staying at Hyatt and you absolutely must order a meal to your room, I would suggest some tea: nothing else will be hot by the time it gets to you. And at $8 per cup (plus $5 delivery charge, 15% gratuity, state and city taxes) it is a bargain.

Naturally, after a filling meal like this, one needs to take a poop. I can feel it right now: that greasy salmon will cause problems later on in the day. The hotel room is equipped with one those environmentally-friendly toilets that are supposed to use 50% less water than the old-style toilets. This remarkable economy is achieved mainly be allowing half of your poop to float back to the surface after you flush.

Sorry for ruining your appetite, but mine is already ruined and what in the hell makes you special?

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